Therapy speak in interpersonal relationships is a hot topic, so how can you stand up for yourself without standing on someone else?
The language used in counselling or psychotherapy is meant to help the person understand their life and their trauma. It isn’t something to be used to get people to behave the way you want them to. Let’s break down how to assert your boundaries and what makes a healthy one.
Why is it good to set boundaries?
Everyone has lived life differently, experiencing a variety of positives and negatives. Sometimes the negatives leave lasting impacts and you don’t want to trigger that emotion again. Protecting your mental wellbeing is vital to ensuring a higher quality of life. This can mean preventing encounters with certain things.
Mental recovery is neither linear nor fast. Until you’ve had the time to process the emotions, boundaries can stop things from getting worse while you’re in treatment.
It doesn’t just have to come from trauma either. If you have sensory issues, it can be a good idea to not expose yourself to your sensory triggers, especially as it can add up to fatigue or burnout.
What do healthy boundaries look like?
- Refusing to let others define you.
- The knowledge that your feelings matter just as much as everyone else’s.
- Respecting others’ beliefs, opinions and dignity.
- Knowing that you have the right to your own emotions.
A healthy boundary begins and ends within your own emotional needs. It’s about making your needs clear. Such boundaries will help you grow as a person without stifling the growth of others involved.
What do unhealthy boundaries look like?
- Exerting control over someone.
- Feeling you are responsible for others’ happiness.
- Abusive behaviour masked as setting boundaries.
For example, if you restrict who your partner socialises with, this is denying them social interaction and can lead to resentment. Not communicating your needs can lead to situations like this. Talk to each other!
@therapyjeff Jonah Hill was using therapy speak to control his girlfriend. #jonahhill #therapyspeak #therapy #mentalhealth #manipulation ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff
How can you set a boundary healthily?
There’s two main suggestions we have: clear communication and saying ‘no’. The first one seems like a no-brainer and it is indeed a vital part of any relationship, friends, family or romantic partners. You have an issue with something? Talk about it.
The word ‘no’ can be difficult for some. Those with traumatic childhoods may often feel responsible for others’ emotions and limit how much they say ‘no’ to. But you shouldn’t be trampling on your own psychological needs for a potential reaction they might have. Remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence.
When should you use ‘therapy speak’?
The simple answer is: in the room with your therapist. It’s therapeutic language made to help patients understand their mental state. Sometimes it can help you explain things to others, but with close relationships, it can be cold and reduce issues to HR speak.
@professorneil #stitch with @Dr. Arianna Brandolini “Season of friendship”? fml #friendship #friendshipbreakup #friendbreakup ♬ original sound - Professor Neil
It’s also not for when a loved one makes a mistake. Not every negative interaction is a sign of an evil pattern of behaviour. Everyone gets in arguments and not every conflict needs cold, diagnostic language applied to it. When possible, try to consider the other’s perspective.
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